Puzzle

The most unbelievable moment when you can't remember the people who had been in you life that you practically lived with for the past 3 years.

This is driving me crazy.

It all started when some one who call himself Niel who was sitting next to me, while I was asleep for the past 4 days due to my brain injury I had that I can't even remember of having. He claimed both of us were in an accident and I had the major injuries. The doctors finally had convinced me that I had loss my memory that happened for the past 3 years. And the last thing I remember now was sitting on a coffee shop, being in love with Jadus. The guy who I was suppose to be with.

Niel, a guy at the age of 20's like me, claims I was with him and we were in love(?). This is insane. Total insanity. I can't even remember where I studied, where I lived after I moved out of my parents house. Who were my current friends at all. Can't you believe it? Because I can't.

"Judy," The doctor came in with Niel.
"Yes, doctor,"
"You seem to be doing great these days, so I decided to discharge you off but your next meeting is next week, okay?"
"Yes, doctor, thank you,"
The doctor left the room and I sat there blankly on my hospital bed.

This boy, this stranger, who I knew before I loss my memory was always there during these days. Where are my parents? Where are my other friends? Or do I even had friends? Where's Jadus?

"Err..I got your clothes. You can change and I'll bring you back home,"

Its Winter season and Christmas is on the corner I guess, by the weather outside the window and the clothes he gave me.

I nod and he went out of the room.

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"This is where you live. Err, Jane was with you but she left for her holidays,"

Who's Jane?  I think my face showed my question.

"Jane is your housemate,"

I just nod and went furthur in, with him walking behind me.

Too many things is running in my mind, can I even believe this stranger behind me? This place? Do I really live here?

"You room is on the left after the living room," He walked me to my room and opened it.

And yes, the answer is here. It seems to be my room. I see my pictures, poster, me and my stranger friends. I look around my room. Was I this messy?

As though he read my mind, he answered me.

"We were never home for the past 1 week, that's why your room is like this,"

"Where was I?"

"You were with me in my place,"

I was with him? I was practically what? Sleeping with him??

This sounds crazy. Really. I need some space alone.

"See, err..Niel? Niel, I need some alone time," I said simply and looked at him.

"Oh, ok. I'll-I'll stay outside,"

"No, no, I mean I want to be alone for more than a day," I said while biting my lips,

"Look, Judy, you can't go around alone for these few days until you are familiar with yourselves,"

"I can take care of myself Niel! I'm not a little kid," I just needed space! Why can't he get it!

"Ok, just call me if you need anything, you phone is inside your drawer," He said and left. Hurt was all over his face.

I rub my face and sat on my bed so called bedroom.

This is like a lost piece of puzzle to me that I have to fix it on my own.

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Finally after a lot of roundings I found a mini mart to get my food. When I went into the mart, there he was Jadus.

"Jadus?"

"Judy?"

"Oh, Jadus!" I think it was habit that made me hug him. He was surprised by my sudden moved too.

"Judy, you alrite? Where's Mr. Jealous?"

I looked at him blankly, Mr.Jealous?

"Oh, you know,Niel, your boyfriend, he is not here today?"

So he knows I'm with him?

"Er..yeah..he..he went back to his place for something," I stuttered a little.

"Ok, so what you doing today? Wanna grab some coffee or something?"

"Oh...now? Yes, of course," I agreed.

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"Judy?" Niel came into Judy's house after his dance practice. He is a student in Performing Arts school same as Judy.

No one answered him so he looked around.

"Judy?" He went into her room. No one.

He called her and no one picked up.

Shoot! Where did she go?!

Niel ran out of the house and looked around. He walked down the road towards the street marts.

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"So you loss you memory after the accident you were in with Niel?"

"Yes," I said while looking down my coffee. Some how this is embarrassing.

"Haha!" Jadus gave me a laugh. "Oh my Judy, so do you know how much Niel is meant to you? How much are you meant for Niel?"

I shook my head. I don't know. I really don't know. I don't see any prove or evidence I was in love with him.

"Judy!" I heard Niel's voice. It was raining outside and he is soaking wet when he came in.

"Niel? What's the matter?"  I stood up looking at him. Oh my, he is shivering too.

"Whe-where,what are you-,I thought you went lost,"

"Niel!" He blank out and fell.

"Shit!" Judas cursed and stood up too.

Then we both carried him to Judas's car and brought him to my house.

"I'll take care of him from here, thanks," I told Judas and sent him off.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," I nod. After he went, I went closer to Niel and saw him unconscious.

What was he thinking?? Its raining so badly and he goes running around searching for me?!

I took out his already drenched clothe off. It took me all my sweat not to gulp at his toned abs.

Well, I must have seen this before right?

Oh, there's a scar. A deep scar. I slowly caress it. How on earth and who could have done this?

Now is not the time to think of this, Judy! Dry him before he falls sick.

I tried my best to wipe all his wet parts of his hair and body. Put a heater next to him and warm him with my blanket.

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"You could have woke me up you know," I heard voice when I came out of my room that startled me for a second until my brain registers that it was Niel with his half naked body.

"What-why are you not wearing anything and what are you doing?" I said while stuttering and running into the toilet next to the kitchen.

"Well, I dont see any shirts outside and I'm doing coffee,"

I shut the door and face myself in the mirror. Sheeesshh. That was close!

I heart beats like a chu chu train! What is this?!

After a few minutes, I found myself having breakfast with him.

"Erm..Niel, could,er..you know tell me about myself? I know its stupidity to ask someone about their ownself but its just I dont know how I have been acting these past 3 years and I don't want people to think of me weirdly,"

He looked at me and smiled.

"You were the girl all the girls wanted to be,you are the girl all the guys would want to go after, you are the girl who's parents have trust,you are the girl where friends want to be around, you are just you, like how you are now, curious, innocent, naive, doubtful is silly things, smile all the times, do weird stuff like like you will just run up to me and hug or kiss me, and then you will suddenly start singing if you can't concentrate on your studies, you help little kids, you carry babies when you see them looking at you and give weird face to see them laugh at you, you walk around like a no-problem girl,you are just-" There was a pause, "You," He said while looking into my eyes.

I couldnt move my lips. Its stuck and I couldnt talk back. I stare back at him, how much is this boy in love with me? How big is he part of my life or am I part of his life?

Would he still go on with this, this so called love he is having for me. It sounds so dramatic. What have I done in these 3 years? What have I given him? I hate the guilt feeling I'm having right now. Guilt, a state of emotion which give an uneasiness to the person who has it. Its giving me a hell of headache now.

I immediately stood up and ran over to my room and locked myself. Tears. I felt tears on my cheeks.
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P.S: I know I shouldn't be blogging buuuttt i need a break and something to write on or scribble!! So here I am updating my story! It has a similar story to The Vow. It was an inspiration from the movie.

Stand Up/Ireona

What just happened? Happened in just a blink of an eye.
My brain took a few seconds to register but I had my puzzle fixed.
Was this suppose to happen? Was this destined to happen?
What was I doing all along?
Giving hopes?
Was I being too close?
Was I being too feasible?
What was it that made you to come to me?
And why?
The moment I realize there was something going on I should have backed off ? Or I should have just put a dot for it?
I was never like this.
Never once I showed my face to ignore people.
I was happy in and out but I'm always the late pick up-er.
Too late to realize anything that is happening around me.
Until someone hits me or wake me up.
What was I suppose to respond? I don't know. Never had anyone told me what I heard.
Was it for real?
Its just a crush, and it always disappears when you make some space between and distant yourself.
Its not wrong to fall for someone. Its a natural thing you call heart.
No one is wrong to say sorry unless its illegal.
No one is suppose to fell guilty about it.
I was never prepared for this. For this confession.
I never thought you would.
All I need is Time. Time to bring it up slowly, to convey my perspective properly.
I have goals to achieve and being connected to someone, I'm not responsible enough.
I have no rights to say this but I'm no good for you.
You will find someone way better than me that will impress you. I'm sure of it.
Me who always give you a hard time is not good.
I want to sort things out too but I do not want to be more than what you think I can be.
Its not you I'm blaming.
Its not me I'm blaming either.
Its neither of us.
I just can't and reasons are always unexplainable.
I wonder if things will go back to the way it was?
The way we used to be?
The way where there was nothing but friendship?
Friend-zoned is what you will think, but I have no intend on doing so either.
You are a Friend that I will never forget.

Lightless

Life, what would it have been without light? A light less life? Days of darkness? Creeping up in dark with unknown creature, I've gotten used to this. Yet, this is worse that being a prisoner in Hell. This is life I never expected, like a roller coaster, you have been riding it forever and wanting it to stop. Ups and down are the trivial part of the ride.

"Bring out the bride," The lady called out from the room.

"You are ready to go?" I have no word to speak so I nod.

Force to marry a friend, falling in love with the enemy. This is what  I could say worse than Hell. I agreed to it. Being the Nation's Princess, being proposed in front of the citizen, being watched by love, what choice do I have to refuse it?

"You ready to take the hall?" Trinity, the girl who mask her feelings and expression perfectly. I wish I know how to do that. Walking in front of millionths, facing the new groom I'm going to be handed to, when am I going to put a stop for it? Or will I just go with the flow? This is it? No, not a question mark but a full stop.

"We could run away,"
"I can protect you from them,"
"All you have to do is let me bring you,"

The words he said. Should I have taken up his offer? This is crazy. Stop thinking about it anymore.

Walk.

"My offer is still open," I heard his voice.

"Ryan?"

He came out of the long curtain when I was walking out for some air.

"What are you doing here?" Blood rush through my face. Even how glad I was to see him but he is in great danger if he is seen by even a single eye from our province.

"I told you my offer is still available,"

"How did you manage get in?" I am scared for him and he looks calm and cool.

This is the Ryan I felt in love. The arrogant, sarcastic, egoistic Ryan who had a past too.

"I'm Ryan,"

"Oh," I rolled my eyes but I did not dare to take a step close to him afraid I will take his offer.

Everything I was planning and planned will turn upside down. No this should not ruin it.

"Go away! You are not safe here!" I walk backward and close the glass door behind. I still saw him standing there and never moved.

"My lady? Its time," The servant came up.

"Yes,"

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"I now pronounce you Man and Wife,"

Christian gave me a small peck to satisfy the audience. He too knows I am not happy in this marriage. Well what can you say when both of us have no mutual feeling but was force by our known parents.

I still feel an eyes lingering around eyeing me from far away.

"Your Majesty!!!!" A safeguard came running towards the hall, "We found the culprit!"

"What's happening?!" I was panicking and all my thought went to Ryan.

"Somebody must have sneaked in to our wedding," Christian told me so only I could listen.

Then I saw The Majesty commanding the guard to bring him in.

After a few minutes, the volume of the audience increases, there he came all beaten up and being pulled by two safeguard.

Ryan! My heart was beating a mile per second.

I saw Christian's body language changed when he saw him coming.

"How dare you!!" The Majesty's voice was heard.

No, no, no! This is not happening!

I have no right to voice out is it?!

What can I do when someone higher than me has the right too.

"Bring him to the dungeon. I'll take care of him after that,"

"NO!!" Shoot, did was that my voice?

I saw a thin smile on through his lip.

I ran down the aisle towards the commotion area.

"Don't do this Your Majesty. He is one of our tracker from the other Province. Maybe we can use him to bring out the truth and plan they are making,"

"That's why we are keeping him,"

"We should give him more luxurious treatment for this kind of issues don't you think?"

"I agree with her," Christian buck me up. I looked at him all the sudden. Is he in his right mind? Or is he helping me in something?

I saw Ryan's face smirked. Is he planning something and I'm falling into his trap? He can fight, he is stronger than all those weakling safeguard but he got caught. Why? And How? What trouble is he taking up now?