Puzzle

The most unbelievable moment when you can't remember the people who had been in you life that you practically lived with for the past 3 years.

This is driving me crazy.

It all started when some one who call himself Niel who was sitting next to me, while I was asleep for the past 4 days due to my brain injury I had that I can't even remember of having. He claimed both of us were in an accident and I had the major injuries. The doctors finally had convinced me that I had loss my memory that happened for the past 3 years. And the last thing I remember now was sitting on a coffee shop, being in love with Jadus. The guy who I was suppose to be with.

Niel, a guy at the age of 20's like me, claims I was with him and we were in love(?). This is insane. Total insanity. I can't even remember where I studied, where I lived after I moved out of my parents house. Who were my current friends at all. Can't you believe it? Because I can't.

"Judy," The doctor came in with Niel.
"Yes, doctor,"
"You seem to be doing great these days, so I decided to discharge you off but your next meeting is next week, okay?"
"Yes, doctor, thank you,"
The doctor left the room and I sat there blankly on my hospital bed.

This boy, this stranger, who I knew before I loss my memory was always there during these days. Where are my parents? Where are my other friends? Or do I even had friends? Where's Jadus?

"Err..I got your clothes. You can change and I'll bring you back home,"

Its Winter season and Christmas is on the corner I guess, by the weather outside the window and the clothes he gave me.

I nod and he went out of the room.

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"This is where you live. Err, Jane was with you but she left for her holidays,"

Who's Jane?  I think my face showed my question.

"Jane is your housemate,"

I just nod and went furthur in, with him walking behind me.

Too many things is running in my mind, can I even believe this stranger behind me? This place? Do I really live here?

"You room is on the left after the living room," He walked me to my room and opened it.

And yes, the answer is here. It seems to be my room. I see my pictures, poster, me and my stranger friends. I look around my room. Was I this messy?

As though he read my mind, he answered me.

"We were never home for the past 1 week, that's why your room is like this,"

"Where was I?"

"You were with me in my place,"

I was with him? I was practically what? Sleeping with him??

This sounds crazy. Really. I need some space alone.

"See, err..Niel? Niel, I need some alone time," I said simply and looked at him.

"Oh, ok. I'll-I'll stay outside,"

"No, no, I mean I want to be alone for more than a day," I said while biting my lips,

"Look, Judy, you can't go around alone for these few days until you are familiar with yourselves,"

"I can take care of myself Niel! I'm not a little kid," I just needed space! Why can't he get it!

"Ok, just call me if you need anything, you phone is inside your drawer," He said and left. Hurt was all over his face.

I rub my face and sat on my bed so called bedroom.

This is like a lost piece of puzzle to me that I have to fix it on my own.

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Finally after a lot of roundings I found a mini mart to get my food. When I went into the mart, there he was Jadus.

"Jadus?"

"Judy?"

"Oh, Jadus!" I think it was habit that made me hug him. He was surprised by my sudden moved too.

"Judy, you alrite? Where's Mr. Jealous?"

I looked at him blankly, Mr.Jealous?

"Oh, you know,Niel, your boyfriend, he is not here today?"

So he knows I'm with him?

"Er..yeah..he..he went back to his place for something," I stuttered a little.

"Ok, so what you doing today? Wanna grab some coffee or something?"

"Oh...now? Yes, of course," I agreed.

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"Judy?" Niel came into Judy's house after his dance practice. He is a student in Performing Arts school same as Judy.

No one answered him so he looked around.

"Judy?" He went into her room. No one.

He called her and no one picked up.

Shoot! Where did she go?!

Niel ran out of the house and looked around. He walked down the road towards the street marts.

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"So you loss you memory after the accident you were in with Niel?"

"Yes," I said while looking down my coffee. Some how this is embarrassing.

"Haha!" Jadus gave me a laugh. "Oh my Judy, so do you know how much Niel is meant to you? How much are you meant for Niel?"

I shook my head. I don't know. I really don't know. I don't see any prove or evidence I was in love with him.

"Judy!" I heard Niel's voice. It was raining outside and he is soaking wet when he came in.

"Niel? What's the matter?"  I stood up looking at him. Oh my, he is shivering too.

"Whe-where,what are you-,I thought you went lost,"

"Niel!" He blank out and fell.

"Shit!" Judas cursed and stood up too.

Then we both carried him to Judas's car and brought him to my house.

"I'll take care of him from here, thanks," I told Judas and sent him off.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," I nod. After he went, I went closer to Niel and saw him unconscious.

What was he thinking?? Its raining so badly and he goes running around searching for me?!

I took out his already drenched clothe off. It took me all my sweat not to gulp at his toned abs.

Well, I must have seen this before right?

Oh, there's a scar. A deep scar. I slowly caress it. How on earth and who could have done this?

Now is not the time to think of this, Judy! Dry him before he falls sick.

I tried my best to wipe all his wet parts of his hair and body. Put a heater next to him and warm him with my blanket.

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"You could have woke me up you know," I heard voice when I came out of my room that startled me for a second until my brain registers that it was Niel with his half naked body.

"What-why are you not wearing anything and what are you doing?" I said while stuttering and running into the toilet next to the kitchen.

"Well, I dont see any shirts outside and I'm doing coffee,"

I shut the door and face myself in the mirror. Sheeesshh. That was close!

I heart beats like a chu chu train! What is this?!

After a few minutes, I found myself having breakfast with him.

"Erm..Niel, could,er..you know tell me about myself? I know its stupidity to ask someone about their ownself but its just I dont know how I have been acting these past 3 years and I don't want people to think of me weirdly,"

He looked at me and smiled.

"You were the girl all the girls wanted to be,you are the girl all the guys would want to go after, you are the girl who's parents have trust,you are the girl where friends want to be around, you are just you, like how you are now, curious, innocent, naive, doubtful is silly things, smile all the times, do weird stuff like like you will just run up to me and hug or kiss me, and then you will suddenly start singing if you can't concentrate on your studies, you help little kids, you carry babies when you see them looking at you and give weird face to see them laugh at you, you walk around like a no-problem girl,you are just-" There was a pause, "You," He said while looking into my eyes.

I couldnt move my lips. Its stuck and I couldnt talk back. I stare back at him, how much is this boy in love with me? How big is he part of my life or am I part of his life?

Would he still go on with this, this so called love he is having for me. It sounds so dramatic. What have I done in these 3 years? What have I given him? I hate the guilt feeling I'm having right now. Guilt, a state of emotion which give an uneasiness to the person who has it. Its giving me a hell of headache now.

I immediately stood up and ran over to my room and locked myself. Tears. I felt tears on my cheeks.
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P.S: I know I shouldn't be blogging buuuttt i need a break and something to write on or scribble!! So here I am updating my story! It has a similar story to The Vow. It was an inspiration from the movie.

Stand Up/Ireona

What just happened? Happened in just a blink of an eye.
My brain took a few seconds to register but I had my puzzle fixed.
Was this suppose to happen? Was this destined to happen?
What was I doing all along?
Giving hopes?
Was I being too close?
Was I being too feasible?
What was it that made you to come to me?
And why?
The moment I realize there was something going on I should have backed off ? Or I should have just put a dot for it?
I was never like this.
Never once I showed my face to ignore people.
I was happy in and out but I'm always the late pick up-er.
Too late to realize anything that is happening around me.
Until someone hits me or wake me up.
What was I suppose to respond? I don't know. Never had anyone told me what I heard.
Was it for real?
Its just a crush, and it always disappears when you make some space between and distant yourself.
Its not wrong to fall for someone. Its a natural thing you call heart.
No one is wrong to say sorry unless its illegal.
No one is suppose to fell guilty about it.
I was never prepared for this. For this confession.
I never thought you would.
All I need is Time. Time to bring it up slowly, to convey my perspective properly.
I have goals to achieve and being connected to someone, I'm not responsible enough.
I have no rights to say this but I'm no good for you.
You will find someone way better than me that will impress you. I'm sure of it.
Me who always give you a hard time is not good.
I want to sort things out too but I do not want to be more than what you think I can be.
Its not you I'm blaming.
Its not me I'm blaming either.
Its neither of us.
I just can't and reasons are always unexplainable.
I wonder if things will go back to the way it was?
The way we used to be?
The way where there was nothing but friendship?
Friend-zoned is what you will think, but I have no intend on doing so either.
You are a Friend that I will never forget.

Lightless

Life, what would it have been without light? A light less life? Days of darkness? Creeping up in dark with unknown creature, I've gotten used to this. Yet, this is worse that being a prisoner in Hell. This is life I never expected, like a roller coaster, you have been riding it forever and wanting it to stop. Ups and down are the trivial part of the ride.

"Bring out the bride," The lady called out from the room.

"You are ready to go?" I have no word to speak so I nod.

Force to marry a friend, falling in love with the enemy. This is what  I could say worse than Hell. I agreed to it. Being the Nation's Princess, being proposed in front of the citizen, being watched by love, what choice do I have to refuse it?

"You ready to take the hall?" Trinity, the girl who mask her feelings and expression perfectly. I wish I know how to do that. Walking in front of millionths, facing the new groom I'm going to be handed to, when am I going to put a stop for it? Or will I just go with the flow? This is it? No, not a question mark but a full stop.

"We could run away,"
"I can protect you from them,"
"All you have to do is let me bring you,"

The words he said. Should I have taken up his offer? This is crazy. Stop thinking about it anymore.

Walk.

"My offer is still open," I heard his voice.

"Ryan?"

He came out of the long curtain when I was walking out for some air.

"What are you doing here?" Blood rush through my face. Even how glad I was to see him but he is in great danger if he is seen by even a single eye from our province.

"I told you my offer is still available,"

"How did you manage get in?" I am scared for him and he looks calm and cool.

This is the Ryan I felt in love. The arrogant, sarcastic, egoistic Ryan who had a past too.

"I'm Ryan,"

"Oh," I rolled my eyes but I did not dare to take a step close to him afraid I will take his offer.

Everything I was planning and planned will turn upside down. No this should not ruin it.

"Go away! You are not safe here!" I walk backward and close the glass door behind. I still saw him standing there and never moved.

"My lady? Its time," The servant came up.

"Yes,"

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"I now pronounce you Man and Wife,"

Christian gave me a small peck to satisfy the audience. He too knows I am not happy in this marriage. Well what can you say when both of us have no mutual feeling but was force by our known parents.

I still feel an eyes lingering around eyeing me from far away.

"Your Majesty!!!!" A safeguard came running towards the hall, "We found the culprit!"

"What's happening?!" I was panicking and all my thought went to Ryan.

"Somebody must have sneaked in to our wedding," Christian told me so only I could listen.

Then I saw The Majesty commanding the guard to bring him in.

After a few minutes, the volume of the audience increases, there he came all beaten up and being pulled by two safeguard.

Ryan! My heart was beating a mile per second.

I saw Christian's body language changed when he saw him coming.

"How dare you!!" The Majesty's voice was heard.

No, no, no! This is not happening!

I have no right to voice out is it?!

What can I do when someone higher than me has the right too.

"Bring him to the dungeon. I'll take care of him after that,"

"NO!!" Shoot, did was that my voice?

I saw a thin smile on through his lip.

I ran down the aisle towards the commotion area.

"Don't do this Your Majesty. He is one of our tracker from the other Province. Maybe we can use him to bring out the truth and plan they are making,"

"That's why we are keeping him,"

"We should give him more luxurious treatment for this kind of issues don't you think?"

"I agree with her," Christian buck me up. I looked at him all the sudden. Is he in his right mind? Or is he helping me in something?

I saw Ryan's face smirked. Is he planning something and I'm falling into his trap? He can fight, he is stronger than all those weakling safeguard but he got caught. Why? And How? What trouble is he taking up now?

The Land Of Lania

New place, new country, new environment, new city, new people, new home but I’m still the same old me. The me who would not dare to talk to stranger, the me who would never dare to mix with the environment, the me who would never ever dare to say a word when trouble encounters. But what am I still doing here, in this whole new world that only never fails to surprise me.

Caught by human like figures from a unknown planet, I’m lying here on a bed that is so not familiar to me yet. Being served, being accompanied, being stalked by unknown eyes, caught trying to escape and feeling unsure. I am not a prisoner. I am being respected and given high priority for the reason even I’m not able to believe.

A knock was heard, “Breakfast is ready,” 

This is not the servant’s voice. Its Ezra’s, the Prince of unknown land named Lania. The voice always intimates something in me that comes from my upper stomach. I stood up from my already numb body due to continuous sleeping to kill boredom.

The look in his eyes shows nothing as emotions. This cunning boy who is no more than a year old, with just that stunning dark blue eyes stares down to me. No longer be able give him the stare back, I nod. People here do not know privacy especially this Ice Prince here.

“I would like to change my attire before I come down,” I said to the blue eyes that turned purple.

 This has been a usual encounter I have seen ever since I came to Lanian 3 months ago. The change in eyes colors of every Lanian’s here are very unique.It shows emotions. And finally he did. Anger? Amused? I can't read.

"I'll accompany you to the kitchen today," He said with his stone voice. Oh, what a news. What happen to the servant who accompany's me every day?

He closed the door but I know he is standing behind it waiting for me to come out.  After just a few minutes of changing I stood there thinking of either I should walk with him. It’s always not a good idea for a Prince to be walking with me.

Angel

She was there again and again and again, not physically but mentally in my mind.

Disturbing my serenity of the day.

Clashing into times where I wish I could have talked to her but still afraid to approach.

Waiting for my conscience to inform me, where has it bring me too?

Now, looking at the wedding that is happening now, sitting few feet away from the bride and groom is the most beautiful girl I've ever came across in my living experience. The girl who have moved me by my not only the heart but my vision of life.

Her sincerity to enjoy each loving moment till the last second but also to take control of her surrounding had blown me down to her. Watching her from distance now with no single relationship between us is wonderful to think of getting to know her. Her eye contact with me wasn't enough for me but I guess I caught her attention much enough.

Approaching the beautifully dress bridesmaid with a navy blue satin silk, gives her the most precious vibe.

"May I take this dance?" I bowed to her, still with her masquerade on, her contour doesn't change from my invitation.

"Sure," A smile escaped her naturally lip stick-ed lips.

Just as the song behind plays a Jazz to move us back and forward.

"Hello, there," A lightly formal way wasn't bad.

"Hello," even her elegance in her voice doesn't reduce.

"Daniel, Daniel Gregory," I am.

"Jenny Cooper," Being close to her as this brings the fear in me clear.

"May I take the honour to remove your mask to unveil the lady behind the mask?"

She gave a sensitive laugh that shows she was amused.

"Do I have to?"

"Revealing surprises me much,"

Her hands glide to her neck to untie her masquerade. There it revealed the girl, the only girl that I've been after for 7 years and for my past lives.

"Where have you been all along?" Her eyes melted me and my speech wasn't controlling my mind.

"Excuse me?" Her right hand slides away from mine.

"Where have you been all this while Jenny?"

Her utter surprise expression was enough to make me doubt her knowledge on me.

"Who are you?" She moved apart from our distance.

"Someone you might know,"

Self-conscious over took her as she put back her mask on. She retrieved herself, bowed and left without speaking.

"Hey, you know her?" A male voice distracted me from her sight.

"You are?" I asked while adjusting my tie.

"She's my sister, that's why. Seems like my sister and you share something? She doesn't run away like this from a person," The guy who called himself her brother was holding a champagne cup in his hand.

"None of your distracting business," I told him.

"Oh, getting on hand are you?"

I moved away from from the so called brother he called himself.

Secrets are meant to be kept but what if someone else knows the secret that you were hiding. She definitely is hiding something.

I caught sight of her with another girl of the same age with her. Both giggling over something they find it curious about.

The dinner started and everybody were serving themselves, while I was serving myself with my own food too, the girl. Her appearance itself gives me energy, enough for me to stand for a day.

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Life In Uni...

Sitting with my friends, doing my lab reports and assignment. I realize its been a long time ever since I talked about my University life ever since I came here.

University, a place where you change who you are to adapt to the environment that you are facing. I still remember the first day where I met my friends, the first orientation day in the Grand Hall. The Ice breaking moment we had with our unknown friends.

Well as I was talking about adapting to University life, I didn't meant I change entirely la. Its just a change to adapt to the people, the environment and the living style here. Its been the most ponderous moment to leave behind my family and live far away from them since I was brought up like a silver spoon. All my doings has be go through my parents first for permission. I've been with them for 19 years. Now already being separated from them for nearly 2 months has make me into a different person.

Doing laundry, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, cleaning my bedroom for me, my mum was there. Here in my new home, without her, sometimes being lazy can make me do nothing. I never make my bed whenever I wake up, lazy to do my breakfast so I always get something form the fridge and dump it in my mouth and run to class.

Friends, what can I say? Lucky? Blissful?  A relationship I've never had before is when I'm in University, here. I can't really describe my relationship with them. Some are what I can say people who see who I am and some who see what they want in me. Never once I regret having friends like them because I love them to bits of my life. But I will still never ever forget the first ever friendship I had with my high school friends who are now my besties! This people here never make me feel rejected. Some make me feel insecure though. Relationship are never stable, mouth fight will always occur which usually occurs with my close housemate. Well, most of the in my university life is spent with my friends here, closely to 23/7 due to stay backs.

Middle semester break is coming up soon and I can wait to end up sleeping in my home sweet home!! =)
My mum and dad had already bought for me my Deepavali clothes. I can't wait to try it out. I miss my little annoying brother too! Hahaha! Even though he says he does not miss me, my mum always tell me whenever I call her , he ask whether I call up or not. Aww....So Deepavali here I come! Can't wait up to gather with my old besties! Korean food is waiting for me to <3 p="p">
But still even in my mid semester break I have assignment to be done!! Not one but two!! Boo! =X
Flashmob for my Indian Cultural Society is nearing and its the week after my mid semester break. My presentation for Life Science is after the flashmob, my presentation for Personal Development is before the flashmob. Oh-oh, what a packed week!

Freeze!!

As the title of my blog, I am definitely freezing in my University's 24/7 room.
Absorbing as much information I can into my brain for my Life Science subject Mid Semester examination.
Forgot to bring my jacket and the room, even though filled other students it's damn cold!!
Lesson learned: Bring your jacket whenever you come to study at Uni.
Ok, I know its a lame post..but I'm taking at break from studying so I'm blogging!
What else....on a process of writing a new story but I can only post it after my Mid Sem over! Which is on the 29th Oct!! :P

Listening to Ukiss's Stop Girl. Nice song, there's a English Version too!! "Stop girl in the name of love~"
Waiting for my others friends to get tired of studying!! Oh, Mun-mun joined me just a few second ago!

In the month of Rainy days, where all the days are raining! Can't even hang my clothes to dry! >.<

Oh and one of most important news!! I finally got my ticket to watch a K-pop concert!!!!! OH MY GEESSHH!!! YEAHHH!!!
I hope really really hope its worth the price!! Waiting for the day to come!! Hehehehe!!!

Ok, done with my break gonna continue studying now!!
Good Morning people! Current time: 12.25am.

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My Birthday Blast (?) O.O

Officially it's 10 of October 2012.
Slept early before 12.00 am due to tiredness.
Things seems to be weird recently before the day comes.
Friends acting all 'gossipy'? Weird. Don't want to tell me? Sad.
But I kept it to myself.

When the clock strikes 12.00 am, I was in my slumber land.
Snoring deeply I guess when the sudden loud knock disturbed my unknown dream.
Still dizzy from my sudden stand up, I open the door eyes blurry, saw my two housemates with expression that got me confused.
"Hem! Muvain called! He met an accident!!" Patricia's face was unpredictable.
"Still not wearing a proper clothes and was looking horrible, I answered, "What?! Accident?! What are you talking?!"
"I don't know! Come, we have to go see him, he said he is downstairs,"
"Uh?! What are you guys talking?! Oh my...please don't scare me la," I took my glasses and started panicking.
My housemates were already running down leaving me behind struggling to catch up with them.
The cold midnight breeze was making my body shiver.
"Wei, wait up! I'm scared!" I told them from behind.
"Where's is he?!" Patricia called after.

Then Patricia saw him lying on the playground carpet which was half wet due to the dew.
"Oh my god! Muvain!" Patricia ran towards with a her voice that I got a hint this is a trick!

I laughed out loud looking at the way Muvain lay on his face facing the carpet!
Hahahaha!! I started laughing and I couldn't stop it anymore.

Then I aw another two of my Uni mates coming over towards me with a piece of candled cake.
Its Wai Keong and Vincy! Oh my...
That got me surprised.
All of them started singing Happy Birthday to me and I blew the candle.
After a few second of settlement, I was attacked with WATER BALLOONS!
And that was another surprise.
I saw both my friends holding it and was ready to throw.
I started sprinting away from them around the playground.
Finally, no way to run since I finally have to make my way to them.
I ended up drenched and powdered at the same time!
Wai Keong keep throwing his balloon but it didn't break besides failing to hit me!
This was the embarrassing moment, I couldn't stand up since I sat on the ground with my body covered by water and powder!
"Guys!! Oh my god!!"
Then I got a another throw exactly on my head! My hair got wet. T,T
Then there was me with my ghostly looking picture where all my friends agreed that I have a potential to act in ghost movies!!

SERIOUSLY!!!! UH!!! T,T

Its cake eating time! I fed everyone the chocolate cake. Delicious one, thanks to Box Head!
Muvain started complaining that I didn't even cared about him when Patricia told me he met an accident.
LOL, who wouldn't laugh when you see a funny guy lying on the ground, face facing the ground flat like a butterfly?!
I kind of got it that it was a trick to hit me.
Vincy bought his two daughters (Hamsters) in a box.
We all started to play with him and I was getting cold because I was still wet.
Its 1.00 am and we decided to get back home for class starts at 8.am for us.

Morning came and  I got ready. Its my Birthday and I feel so special with my loving friends around me. Got a call from my dad, my aunties and my niece!

After class ended at 9.00 am, all my classmates wished me.
All I did was,"Thank you, thank you,"
"Hem, Happy birthday!"
"Thank you!"
This two lines were repeated around 30 times, I guess roughly.
And also, "Hem 'burger' happy birthday!" LOL. =,= My another nickname I got from my Uni mates.

My next class was not with my other friends so I was left alone to attend the class until 10.00 am. I got 5 missed calls from Poory and Pat but due to my phone in silenced,I couldn't hear it.
Got scolded by Pat because I didn't answer her calls after my class.
Then she said, ok, lets go eat now. I'm hungry and again they were she and Wai Keong was walking faster than me.
When I caught up with them, they went to the University square,its an open area next to the beautiful lakeside.
There were 10 of my close friends I usually hang out with sitting rounded with a cake in the middle!
Oh my! That was another surprise of the day.
Then lighted the candles and sang for me, since one of my another friends birthday was 4 weeks ago, they celebrated hers together with mine. Priya, you were surprised too!! XD
After singing, I blew the 19 candles that was lighted.
I'm officially 19 years old!
Lol, is that old? They still say I don't act like one. :P

Cutting and feeding one by one to my friends were the happiest moment I had! I was so grateful to them that I just don't know how to show it.
Then, I got my present. One of my favourite part, Birthday presents!!
And that too, surprised me too much! I got to carried away by happiness that I cried.
Its like one of my wish came through! I always go through the K-pop DVD section whenever I enter bookshops and look through the DVD's but due to the price, I never got to have one. Now, that I had it in my hand as my Birthday present, SHINee first world Concert Singapore, I screamed, well they did warn me not to scream but that's me, I just do it! I am me, and no one can change me!! :P
I hugged Mun-mun, Patty and Poory, Yong and thanked them. And thanks to my dearest box head Wiki for using his car to get me my presents, birthday cakes and stuff!
We had an enjoyable moment, talking and eating cakes under the sun.
And again thank you so much!

Getting ready to surprise me is it?!

My favourite part!

Two bday girls but different birth date!

Then , there was lunch. I promise my dad that I would treat them since its my birthday!
We went to Old Town White Coffee and had our lunch together. I treat them even though they were so nag about me being the one that was suppose to be treated.
This people don't understand that I want to thank you all!
But still I got some money from them and I was so mad that chucked the money back into their bags!
Hehehe! I payed for it!
Patricia told me to expect the unexpected, and this is what I get for my birthday! I know how much hard was it to keep it a secret from me and plan this, since I'm like a leech with you guys! Hahaha!!
Took my special credit to those who spent their money just for me,I deeply thank you all. Now I understand, how close I have gotten into your hearts and a friend.
I am so glad that I was able to have you guys with me, that missing my parents wasn't a big deal at all!

I seriously drool over out of happiness whenever I take out my SHINee DVD album!
Still waiting for the perfect time to watch it. Exams are nearing and assignment dues are getting closer.

My dream of the day

Its all happening. The dread that I’ve been avoiding.

It’s happened.

Everyone I know is gone.

“Hem, let’s go. We need to finish this last mission we stood for,” My best buddy is here but anytime, anything can happen.

Why am I still here? Am I that of a survivor?

We promised to finish them off. The people who are in charge of this demolition.

I’m frustrated but scared. I’m angry but helpless.

“Ok..where are we heading?”

“To the East of the forest. We could get something from the debris,”

“Are you sure, we can still find anything there?” I asked her Peter who is leading this team with confident and passion to destroy those people who did this to us. Cheng is very close to Peter in the case that they never leave each other's side. It's lie they are inseparable. And looking at them together makes me wonder on someone. Someone, i'm trying not to remember in this situation we are facing together.

Well, there’s nothing much to take up revenge, since all my loved one are gone. Gone in just a single bomb blast. My family is not here. My best buddy had lost hers’ too but she have Peter, who would give anything to save her. Who is brave and accompanying her all the way.

Is Luhan still alive? I’ve never seen him after the last run we did. The look in his eyes was so much for me to resist.

“We have to get clues,” He assured the team of 7 of us.

Me, Cheng, her boyfriend and 4 others we came across from the bomb blast last time. They have join force to follow us.

“Come on let’s get moving,” He stood up followed by Cheng with her spear.

I followed them behind. Somehow not ready to face the reality that lies ahead of us.

We walk through vines, bush, tall forest trees and we finally found the part of the last bomb blasted  section. The dusts are still hanging. The whole ground smells horrible. But it’s empty.

“This is it,” Cheng pointed in front of us.

“Be careful of whatever you touch,” Peter inform us.

Slowly we began to walk around at different angle but not far away from each other. Cheng followed Peter in front of me. I took their left. We searched for a specific clue.

Every single people in this district are dying out of bomb blasts.

This has been continuing for more than a month. Anything we touch turn into fire. It’s a button to turn on the dangerously blasting bombs the people in the Metropolitan has set up.

I came across a pipe, a letter which was  burnt, and a very uniquely looking wheel.

Its green and looks a lot like a steering wheel that was fixed to a large underground pipe which was half protruding.

What is this thing? I’ve never seen something like this before.

“Hey guys,” I call out slowly when I curiously steer the wheel  to see the outcome.

And there is was again the loud sound, everything in front of me went slowly, the noise that was peering through my ears like a sharp razor, the heat that pass through me. I fell onto the ground.

I took a look at my side and Cheng was fallen on her feet too but next to her was a large amount of dust and fire.

“Peter,” I whispered. What did I do?

Cheng was staring at the blast with her eyes wide enough to engulf what just happened.

I stood up immediately and the result of the blast was a very heavy dizziness and my left hear was still ringing.

“Cheng!!” I ran towards her. “Cheng! I’m so sorry! Cheng,get up,” I pull her to sit.

Cheng wasn’t speaking but she was calm and quiet.

What did I do to her? It was my fault! I made her lost the last person she was hanging on.

Tears rolled my cheeks and it was stinging. I pulled myself to my knees and let it out. Now its only us left. We lost Peter and the other 4. What can we do now? What could we possibly achieve?

My left ear was still ringing and I’m sure I lost my eardrum because I couldn't feel the wind on my left, I touched my ear and it was bleeding.

“Peter,” I whispered again.

Chen stood up after several minutes. I looked at her gaze and I know she is hiding everything inside her. She is trying to mould it inside herself. That’s what she do, always do. Never show her feelings to others.

“Let’s go back to the Hut. We can ignite a car and get going to the metropolitan,” Cheng told me and started walking in front of me without waiting.

I followed her immediately.

We reached the Hut. It consist of a small wooden restaurant and I remember there was an old lady who used to serve us food here. Few unwanted cars were parked here. Any of them could be fixed with a bomb.

“I’ll call Gan to ask him how to ignite the car,” Cheng told me an I just nod looking at her.

The restaurant was quiet and no one comes around after the incident that took place. We lost half a quarter of people from our district.

“Okay,” Cheng nod her head to the instruction on the other side of the phone.

Gan is one of the spy genius from the district but he never came back after joining the Metropolitan. Whenever we need news, we'll call him.

“I’ll just ignite a fire and throw it into the exhaust,” Cheng told me.

This is it. We are going there. But why do I feel like I don’t want any of the trouble? Why am I hesitating?

I turn around to look at the empty restaurant which was just a few feet in front of me.

A tall lean figure moved out and then in. I look at him and he resembles lot like Luhan. He took a second glance at us and froze.

Luhan?! “Luhan?” I mouthed.

He stood there looking at us.

Its him! Its..”Luhan!” I ran towards him and he was temporarily shocked. We hugged each other tightly.

“Hem!” I heard Cheng call out.

“Hem?” Luhan was making sure he wasn’t imagining. His was in utter surprise.

“Yes,yes,” I cried again upon his assuring hug.

“I thought you were gone, I thought you left me,” He said still holding on me.

“I thought you were gone too,” I said without even releasing his hug.

We stay put together until Cheng’s voice was heard again.

“Hem!” It was closer and she was walking towards us.

“I’m not leaving Cheng! I’m not! I can’t do this. I know I was up to it but seeing the situation now, I don’t want to Cheng,” I ran away from both of them into the wooden made restaurant and straight into a room.

The last thing I saw was Cheng standing there heartbroken face with Luhan looking at my way.

What have I done? Did I lost my only hope to revenge the Metropolitan?

Did I just broke my promise to be next to my best friend all the time?

I thought I finally found someone who I can cry to and understand me and I don’t want to leave him.

I was lying on he bed which I’m sure is Luhan’s. He must be the only one staying here besides the old lady, the owner of the empty restaurant.

There was a knock on the door but within second the door opened, revealing Luhan with his sweatshirt.

He came towards the bed and kneel in front of me.

I looked into his eyes.

He slowly caress me and we looked into each other eyes .

“She was just worried of you. You have to understand she just lost someone special to her,” I know he’s talking about Cheng. But the grip on my hand where he was holding me tighten and I can feel that he don’t want to lose me in a situation like this too.

“I..” I couldn’t finish my word. I know exactly how she feels. Its beyond wordless

.

Luhan climb on the bed next to me and took me in his arm.

“You have to talk to her,” He said and I nod.

He kissed my neck and look at my eyes for permission. If losing someone I love will be the last thing, I’ll do anything with him.

I kissed him. Slowly and passionately.  Luhan was careful enough not to hurt me and my feelings.

We were together this night and I wish this will last all my life.

The next day, I was welcome with bed coffee and a bread.

“Good morning sleepy head,” Luhan looks brighter and he was wearing a blue t shirt.

“Good morning,” I slowly stand up and lay my back on the head board.

He gave me a morning kiss on my forehead and serve me the tray of breakfast.

“I’ll be outside,” He said after passing me the tray and closed the door.

I walked around the room and surveyed.

Luhan only have a small picture framed with his family picture and a small teddy bear, his clothes.

I remember before I left the district for the team, Luhan lost his family in the bomb blast.

I went down the stairs and saw Cheng sitting at the table with her tray of bread too.

I approached her slowly and my guilt increases.

"Hey," I sat next to her.

"Hi,"She said without even looking at me but busy idling with her bread that she never eat.

"I'm sorry about yesterday Cheng,"

"No, it's my fault too, I'm sorry,"

"No, Cheng, it's just..I."

"Hem, I told you, I don't need your explanation," She finally took a bite from the bread.

"You have to understand me, I don't think we need to do this," I slowly approach her the topic.

She gave me a stare.

"Cheng, we should stop and just live with whatever we have now,"

"So you are telling, we just keep quiet and do nothing?" Cheng was a little furious.

"I'm not saying something bad, I'm telling this for our good too,"

"No! No, Hem! I want to do this! I need too, for...for, Peter," She said the last word in a low voice

I  know how bad she feels now. The lost she had is unbearable.

Am I being selfish?

I stood up, took my tray, dump it aside and went to my room leaving Cheng without an answer.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I was under Luhan's arm that night.

He was telling me about going to meet Peter's parent who is a few miles away from where we are.We need to inform them about peter.

I refused at first but Luhan was good at talking and he manage to talk me out.

"Everything will be alright. I'm right here, Luhan whispered in my ears and we drifted to sleep cuddling each other.

---------------------------------------------------------------

We were walking with long wooden sticks in our hands.

Me, Luhan and Cheng. We are on our way walking through forest to Peter's house.

I was all the time next to Luhan. Cheng kept quiet all the way, but her face show it all that she is stressed out.

By the time we reached the house it was afternoon.

An lady who recognise to be Peter's mother answered the door.

We told her that we were his friends. Cheng wasn't talking much because she wasn't feeling good with this talk.

"I'm very sorry for the lost of your son ma'am," Luhan apologised.

"Oh, no dear, I know everything will be this way even how conscious we are," Peter's mother was very understanding.

"I'm sorry," Cheng who was quiet all the sudden talked. "It's partially my fault," She said still gazing the blank air.

"Oh, dear," His mother was worried of her. "No, no, come on," She went closer to Cheng and hugged her.

"My boy has done a great job protecting someone he loved and I'm proud of him,"

Tears streaming down my eyes and Cheng finally broke down in his mother's arm.

Luhan was holding my hand tightly.

"I'll help you," A voice came out of nowhere.

We trun to look around and saw.

Peter!

Or someone like Peter?

"Peter?" I was shocked that my voice came out low.

Luhan was surprised too that we stood up from out seats.

"You?"

"Kris,"

"Peter's twin bother, This time Cheng answered.

6:Just

Everything is buzzing in my mind right now.
"I've got so many to ask," I slowly turn to Dale who was quiet all along our drive.
"I can only give you minimum answer. It's not my job to do the explaining.You will have to wait until we reach Yavepei," He told me while facing the road.
I sigh.
"Ok, who are the Vicx,"
"They are from a different tribe. Like us we are descended of Ylyelle.We have a treaty with them.You will understand more when someone more appropriate do the explanation,"
"Who am I?"
"You are the Princess to be of Yavepei,"
"How to do you know I'm the princess? It could be someone else! You might have the wrong person or something!" Really I have no idea where he is leading me and I am still following.
"We are heading to Yavepei, which is a  7 hour ride from where we you stayed,"
"Why do you need a princess?! Isn't there anyone else?"
"Leo, I told you, it's not my job,"
"Why are you an Odawa?"
I saw something pass his eyes and he seem to be thinking of a way to explain it.
"In Yavepei, the Ylyelle have ranking system. The Queen, King, the Princess, then comes the Dene and Dene'inna and then lastly is the Odawas.An Odawa doesn't have any special ability beside their strength and we are the so called trackers,"
I looked at him and he wasn't happy about it.
I pushed the thought of asking him further questions.
My eyes were drooping but I don't want to sleep.
"Can I have your phone?" I asked him. I don't want my mum or brother to worry me.
"Just so you know,your mother is not your mother and he is not your brother," He handed me the phone.
Does he know my history or something?
"I know,"
Matt was my stepbrother and my mum wast my real mum, I know. She told me that when my dad past away. I was an adopted child by my dad.
"Leo," Dale hesitated for a moment but say it out," You are very special, believe me and believe in yourself," He looked into me.
I dialed Matt's number.It was still 6 in the morning.
"Hello," Matt must have still be sleeping, his voice sounds groggy.
"Matt?"
"Leo?" I heard the other side something fell.
I was quiet for a while. Even though he annoyed me a lot. I know he still cares for me. It's just that he doesn't show it and I don't really mind it though.
He was a loving brother who just worries about his sister a lot.
He had done a lot to me. Teach me, scold me, wake me up, gives presents for my birthday. That shows that he does think of me.
"Leo?! Where are you?" He knocked the door.It must be my door.
Then I heard the door swing open.
"Leo? Where the hell are you?"
"Matt, Matt," I was tearing up but I swallowed it and my voice was shaky," Matt! Listen! I'm sorry for everything I've done. I will be back very soon. Well not until I  know when but be safe okay? Take care of mum and go find a job,"
"Leo! What are you talking?! Where are you?" I heard his panic voice.
"Matt, I'm not near anywhere of where we live,"
"Leo, what's going on? Are you running away? Leo, I thought we have talked about this with mum that you wouldn't leave us for your real parents.Have I been doing anything wrong? Oh, yes,I do. Leo, look I'm sorry.I can change it back.Please! Where are you leaving to?" I heard him run down the stairs.
"No! Matt! No, you are not following me or going to find me! Ju-" I felt my cheeks burn and tears were gliding down.
"Oh, gosh! Mum!" He went to mum'm room.
"Just stay safe! I love you and tell mum I love her!" I shut the phone off.
I was breathing heavily and Dale was very quiet all the time.

5:Just

Next few day of school was kind of unusual ever since Dale came.
But this time around he wasn't in the class at all.
He never attended classes.
And wasn't anywhere around school or my housing area.
So, that's strange.
Did someone attacked him?
He said it's not safe for me to stay here anymore.
Oh, no..was it because of me?
Like I care.
But I couldn't sleep that night well enough that I kept thinking of Dale.

It was 3 in the morning.
I wasn't feeling comfortable at all.
Without any noise, I sneak out of my room, still in my pajamas and out of the house.
If Dale is around here peeking or sneaking on me and I'm going to find him.

Early morning breeze was refreshing.
There was only street lights on.
I walk around the sidewalk down the lane, when I realize something moved behind me.
A gush of adrenaline went through me.
Gulping down the butterflies in my stomach, I turn and caught a glimpse of a shadow.
This is not good at all.
While bickering with myself whether to turn back to where I came from, a shadow hovered over me and before I could start screaming or even think of anything, I was been dragged with my mouth shut.
I still stifled a few scream and hit him here and there but he never budge.
My mind was racing and my heart was beating a miles per hour!
"You are one feisty princess," He growled.
Princess?
I remembered Dale talking about princesses.
Oh ,no! No! No!
I bit his hand and tried using manipulation,let me go, let me go!
"Ahh!!!!" I scream this time.
Where is Dale?!
I'm in trouble right now, Dale!
I'm going to die.
Bye, mum, brother...

"Leave her alone!" The guy dragging me flung around.
"Oh, my oh my if not for the Odawa Dale,"
They know each other?
Dale was in his sweatshirt and hair messed.
I was still in panic mode to pick up their conversation.
"Let her go!" Dale fist the big guy who was obviously bigger than Dale.
But he flew.
How strong is Dale that even a guy like him can fall which caused me to fall  too but I manage to move away and stood up.
"Stop!"
"Move!" Dale growled at me and that was the first time I've seen him like that, so enraged.
Both of them were fighting and I saw another figure moving.
It was a girl this time and she look like a Tomb Rider with that kind of outfit.
"Lucas! Let's go!" She looked towards my direction and frown.
"I won't leave without her!"
"You are coming with us!" She flung towards me but just right in tie there was a siren.
Hands trembling, I stood frozen in place.
Dale who heard the siren kicked Lucas hard enough to fall and ran towards me. He held my hand and push me into a small lane just behind us to hide.
His arms were around me and I tried my best not to shriek or breath.
The siren passed us.
"Are they going to come back?"  I asked.
"I'm sorry," He realize was distance and moved apart. He went a little outside and signal that it was clear.
"Leo, you have got to move tight now," He said concerned in his voice.
"I..but...,"
"Leo! You just saw what happen to you! Everything will be clear when you reach there. Trust me, Leo. I can't risk having you hurt like this anymore!" His eyes were nearly pleading.
"My brother and mum," I looked down.
"Leo, we can't waste our time thinking about it. I'm bringing you back right now. I don't know when the Vixc  will be coming after again but we need to get back!"
I was speechless. Will they hurt my family?
If me being here isn't safe then I got to safe my family too, so I should move.
Is this called running away since I'm following him at this time.
"But I haven't tell my mum and brother yet,"
"They will know it and you can have your time telling them later on our way,"
"Come on,Leo," He was standing in front of me patiently and If there's anyone I trust more its him.
"I'll go with you,Dale,"
"Trust me. I won't let anyone hurt you," He assured me and took my hand.
We reached a SUV that was parked a block away.
And he hoped in into the driver's seat.
I took the passenger's seat and sat in.
Still thinking of what I should tell my mum and brother, I was on the fence of crying.

4:Just

I left them hanging on the air just like that even with my unanswered questions still going on, on my head.
Who in the world are they?
Asking me to return to where I belong?
Thinking I will just agree and follow them like a baby duckling?
No!
The most weirdest thing is, I saw Aurora's aura too.
It's purple.
What are these colours actually? And why are they appearing?
My headache is soothing right now and that's strange.
So, both of them are not humans?
What could be their ability?
And where are they from?
So many unanswered questions.
*************************************************

Next day of school was normal until, a newcomer came.
Dale.
My heart thumped when I saw him entering and sat a few tables away.
So he really is going to be my bodyguard?
Am I in trouble or something?
Is any body going to kidnap or attack me?
Doesn't he have any other work or studies to do?
Well, maybe they are from Mars, so they don't need educations?
Sigh, I'm just thinking too much.
Ignore him until he approach you.

Miraculously, he never approached me besides just giving me stares once in a while.
And that was creeping me out.
Seriously, shouldn't a bodyguard should be by my side?

What if he follows you to your house?
I should run away before he finds out.
***************************************************

I went straight to home without even waiting for my friend today.
I find the world around me is really creeping me out these days.

"You are late," My brother stood at the doorway.
"Do you always have to do that?!" I asked annoyed by the way he always finds trouble with me.
"Do what?"
"Annoy me!" I said throwing cold glares at him.
He shrugged his shoulder and went towards the living room.
I grumbled and went to my room.
When I entered my room the atmosphere was different and I know it.
It felt chilly all the sudden.
The window was wide open.
Oh, shoot!
Someone might have broken in.
I alerted myself and try scanning around my room.
Goosebumps all over me, I walked towards the window to close it.
When I turned around, I saw a silhouette moving.
I jumped backwards and screamed.
"Shh!!!" She shushed me with his palm covering me.
My heart beat rapidly.
"What was that?!" My brother shouted from outside.
"Coc-cockroach," I don't even know why I lied.
Realizing that he was still holding me, he moved away a step.
"What the hell are you doing here!" I growled at him in a low volume.
"Calm down, I just came to see whether everything is alright or not," Dale looked around my room then his eyes set on me.
Somehow that got me conscious of myself.
"Why? Do you expect anything to happen to me?" I raise my eyebrow.
"Could be," He said calm enough not to convince me.
I laughed at his comment.
"Leo, you've got to comeback. It's not safe here anymore,"
"Not safe? All this while I've been here and nothing happened to me!"
"You got to understand me,"
"Make me," I went close to him to intimidate him but unconsciously.
"You are the Princess of Yavepei. It means people of Sun. We are all a tribe and some of us have special abilities. Your's is developing earlier, so we need you back,"
"Well, so much for convincing," I mocked him. Who does he think I am to trust him that easily?
"I'm not lying! It's the truth! How do you think you have persuasions? That thing you tried to do on us. It's your ability. But it won't work on us because you need training. It works on humans because they are easily penetrated into their mind,"
My jaw dropped. He knows more than I do about myself.
"I wasn't doing anything!"
"Come on! You don't have to deny it anymore. I felt it. It's like a static shock to me but you can never persuade us without further training,"
"So you have an ability too?"
"Not really,"
"Like I'm going to believe,"
"I'm an Odawa. I bring people like you back to Yavepei. That's my job,"
"How old are you?" I blurted out suddenly.
I saw a thin smile on his face.
"More than you,"
He is not giving me an exact number but never mind.
I started scanning his features. Close enough to realize his eyes is dark brown, smoothly combed hair and nearly few inched taller than me.
"You can stop doing that now," He smirked.
I shook my head to take off the information he just gave me and took a step behind.
"You've got to go," I said pointing to the window.
"Leo, trust me, I've never lied to you until now" Somehow that gave me a trust in him.
I went towards the window to close it after him. He took one last look at me and jump swiftly down.
Realizing I was catching my breath I sigh and went to bed.

3:Just

Just then a knock came from our classroom door.
It was the Principal's secretary, Mrs.Anne.
"I'm sorry, Miss Jean, but can we have Leo to the office please. She have a visitor," she said with a smile on her face.
Visitors? They want to see me?
I'm not in a good mood to have visitors but never mind.
"You can go," My teacher said.
Holding my fingers at the bridge of my nose to try to calm my head but it never.
I stood up and I saw another aura again.
Oh-no.
What?
Am I seeing things now?
It's was Mrs.Anne, she is glowing white!
I looked around the class to see if anybody else had the same expression as mine but no, none.
I blinked several times but it never disappear.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I followed her to the visitor's room and was allowed in without her following.
I scanned the place and saw two figure sitting.
One was a lady with an elegant posture.
And another was a young men.
I stood there waiting for them to response first.
"Hello, Leo," said the lady. She stood up and followed by the next one.
She wore a velvet silk knee length dress and her face shows she is still in her 40s maybe.
"Do I know you?" I asked without thinking how rude that was.
She smiled and nod gently.
I looked at the guy next to her.
He looks like he is just a year older than me or two, tall and black eyes.
Somehow his eyes reminds me of the stare I got yesterday from the park.
"So? Is there anything I can offer you?" I asked looking the lady back.
"I'm Aurora. And you don;t need to offer us anything but we need you to comeback to where you really belong," She said carefully.
"What? I mean pardon?" I tried talking to her respectfully since she looks like a wealthy person.
"We need you back. Our community need you. This is not the real place where you belong," She said again with her sweet voice.
I laughed at how funny it sounds.
"I'm sorry. I don't know how you got to know my name but I belong here with my family. I don't need to go anywhere," I stepped back towards the door.
"No,you don't. And I know this will happen. Trying to convince you back is not our priority but Dale here will be with you as your bodyguard until you come back to us," she pointed to the guy next to her,Dale.
"Excuse me,but I don't need a bodyguard and I'm not going anywhere I told you," She was testing my patience.
She just smiled.
"You will," was all she said.
I was born as a short tempered girl and if she is not going listen to me then I have no choice but to persuade her.
I made eyes contact with her, I'm not going to follow you guys, I'm not going anywhere with you, I muttered in my mind.
All she did was smile again.
Usually the after effect will be, the person;s eyes will dilate and they will follow what I said like it was a chant.
But this is weird.
"Slow down there. It won't work on us," Dale said for the first time he talked and I realize he was using courtesy.
I glare at the Aurora.
What? How did-
"We know what you are trying to do there dear," she said hands straightening her dress.
"What?" Utterly shocked.
"It's called persuasion and for your situation it only works on humans not us,"
So they are saying they are not human? What are they? They look ordinary to me?
Do they have abilities too?

Airplane

How could he do that to me?
To us?
Why? Why now?
How can I just leave them and leave like this?
I have to.
And It's already to late.
I can't return back.
I can't stop my dream.
But leaving them behind in a situation like this..
I'm sorry mother.

******************************************************
I'm glad I wasn't late.
The flight is already seated with passengers.
I was late for the transit just for a few minutes but the flight is still waiting for another passengers.
31....32...
33.
My seat. It's a window seat and I love catching the view outside from the glass window.
I took my seat and took out the headphone they usually provide to the passengers.
Eyes close to take some rest, the image of him appeared.
No! No! My body started to shiver and shake and tears rolled down.
The time we spent together, with my mother and sister, to the places he brought us with his car,
the love he poured to make me realize how important he was in my life, the story he used to tell us about mother and him, making us laugh when we were down, whenever I was stubborn he would try to convince me but ended up listening to me.
It's like a huge lump is in my heart and throat.
My cheeks were getting soaked with salty tears.

I heard a ruffled noise next to me and I abruptly dry my tears.
Two boys standing at the edge of the two empty seat next to me.
"31, 32, it's here," The shorter one's told the taller one. He spoke in Chinese and look down at the seat.
"it's ok, she looks harmless," The taller one's said.
I closed my eyes so I wouldn't bother them.
The song played was You Are My Everything.
Then I heard the seat next to me occupied.
There was a quiet moment.

"Welcome to Korean Airlines. I'm Kim Dae Jun, your pilot for today. Hope you enjoy your journey and service from our beautiful stewardess. We will be boarding in another 3 minutes. Thank you,"

Boarding. I'm going to Korea.
Boarding. I am going to Korea.
Should I get down now? No, I cant!
I didn't realize the stewardess was giving their usual talk about the safety precautions until everyone started buckling their seat belt.

I fasten my seat belt and caught a glimpse of the person next to me. Our eyes met and we looked away immediately.
The plane started to take off and my heart thudded. This is it. I'm not going to see my family until I reach my dream.
But my mind is not clear anymore.
He keeps appearing every time I close my eyes.
No! No! Go away! I felt like screaming. But no, I shouldn't.
Dad! Father!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
I love you, father.
I lov-love you so much!
Dad! Tears streamed like a river non stop down my cheeks. I couldn't stop it and I sniffed.
I would not want to disturb the people next to me so I stood up.
"I..so-sorry," I voice broke. I move pass them to the toilet.

I locked the door and let myself cry again.
How many times am I going to cry like this? Huh?
I did this on my last flight from Singapore to China and now again.
When am I going to stop? He is gone! Not here anymore!
Why? Dad, why?
Why now?
I wanted to show you what I was made of. What I had in me. I wanted to see how proud I was to be your daughter.
Why leave us now?
I hit my face with cold water a few times. I face is puffed and eyes red swollen.
I unlocked the door and I stifled my scream when I saw a guy leaning against the opposite of the cabin in front of me waiting for his turn.

He was one of the boys from my seat row. The tall one.

When he saw me out, his eyes went wide in thought of talking, he cleared his throat.
" I heard you crying, I'm sorry but do you need any help?" He asked in fluent English.
Amazed, I only uttered, "Oh," "No," I walk out to my seat.
The another guy was seated in the middle so I had to move pass him to my seat.
There was another person talking to him  from the front seat, when they saw me they stopped.
Wishing I could just switched seats with someone else I sat down and took my headphone.
The tall guys came after a few minutes.
Then the agony in me came back again. My whole body started shivering and in thought of my dad.
It's a very strong feeling that I just couldn't remove.
The bond I had with my dad was beyond special.
Even how hard I tried suppressing it in me, I failed.
I'm only disturbing the people next to me because I can feel the two eyes prying on me and I hate it when I'm attracting unnecessary attention.
"Miss, do you have anyone here on the plane that can accompany you?"The same guy who asked me on my way from the toilet asked.
He was wearing a concern face and I felt guilty disturbing their ride.
"No. I don't. I'm sorry," I said while covering my ugly face which is now full of tears and swollen eyes.
They guy next to me was just looking at me and I couldn't read his expression.
Bewildered?
I don't know
But I'm embarrassed of getting caught crying.
"Homesick?" The guy next to me talked for the first time in Chinese to the tall guy next to him.
He shrugged his shoulders to mean that he wasn't sure.
"No," I said looking away and staring at the glass window.
The sky is white  from my view.
I smiled.
"I.." thinking whether I should tell them.
Then I started shaking again thinking of my dad's final words to me.

"Be a good girl to your mum, don;t argue with her much. Take care of her and your sister.Listen to what your heart says,believe in yourself and never give up on anything you do. Make me proud of you, will you?" He said while holding my hands.
I was nodding frantically while he was talking.


I looked down. I must have look horrible right now.
I am a strong girl.
Be strong.
Keep going.
The two of them were just looking at me with mix expression waiting for me to tell something.
:My dad passed away just yes-yester-day," I stuttered. Still crying, my voice trembled.
"I had to leave my mum and sister behind at this situation because I had no choice,"
I sigh but it came out as a whimper.
Both of them looked surprised by my confession. It's written all over their face that they were utterly speechless.

"I'm sorry," Said the taller guy, "Hold her hand," he said to the guy next to me in Chinese.
He looked at him giving an unsure look.
He was making up his mind and he slowly moved his left hand to take my right.
I flinched at his warm touch. My cold, trembling hand must have felt like a rock to him. But I never looked at it.
He held it firmly.Warming it.
Slowly I drifted to sleep.

*************************************************
I know them. How can I not know them?
They are everywhere.
Known for their popularity. Idols and singers.
But I shouldn't idolize them due to what I am now.Being a trainee, I have to follow rules set by the company I am under.
***********************************************************

I woke up realizing the plane was going to land soon.
I slept peacefully this time without a bad dream and someone was still holding my hand?
Oh, it's him. Luhan.
He was told by Kris to hold my hand to give me comfort.
And we both slept holding hands.
When I woke up, he did too.And we quickly pulled our hands away.
The plane landed and there was a awkward silence.
My face felt puffed by all the crying. Lea must be waiting for me out there.
"Hope you will be fine soon," I heard a voice and it was Kris.
I nodded.
"I..know you guys," I said in Chinese getting a wide eyes from Luhan.
Kris just smiled.
"And I'm sorry,"
"It's okay," Kris said.
Luhan never talked at all beside that one word he uttered,'Homesick'
************************************************************

"Anna!" Lea was waving at me frantically from the waiting hall while I took my bag.
I smiled and waved at her.
"Your friend?" Kris said helping his own bag and Luhan was there next to him. We met eyes again and he smiled finally.
I smiled.
Just the way you are.
And I approach Lea.
She hugged me tightly,"I heard about your dad. Come on give me another hug," she said and gave me a teddy bear hug.
She has always been the best friend I ever had during my training days, supporting and comforting me.
Both the guys exited and I saw fans surround them.
"Let's go," I said.
One final look and Luhan saw me again.

Special Thanks.

Just wanted to write something besides my usual stories and random updates.
Where should I even start?

First of all thank you.

Yeah, you. You are reading it I know, that's you! Hahaha!

I thank you for everything you have done to me.

Whether you made me cry, smile, laugh or realize.I am glad you did that.

I always know that you will be there for me whenever and whatever situation I'm in.

Supporting, motivating, or even telling me which is right or wrong even though you are not sure of it too.

So, never, ever stop being my friend. Just be who you are and I'm glad to have you as my friend.

Thank you for Caring,
Thank you for Listening,
Thank you for the Laughter,
Thank you for all of the Good Times,
Thank you for your Support,
But most of all,
Thank you for being a Wonderful Friend.

Okay, I know I'm writing this out of the blue moon but Yeah, I just want to thank, I feel like thanking and I did.

Hahaha! (That's my signature laughter. I realize whenever I sent messages or in chatting, I laugh like this,' Hahahaha!' )

=P

Coffee.

2:Just

I went to my room shutting myself in it.
As creepy as it sounds, the stare that eyes gave me really did gave me goosebumps.
And I kept thinking of it the whole ride back home.
I just couldn't stop, that's the problem.
Okay, knock it off.
Go get some sleep.
I'll eventually forget about it soon.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up with my head throbbing. It is killing me and I feel like my head is going to explode soon.
I couldn't even groan at my pain.
Stop throbbing! Well, It won't because my persuasion mind trick doesn't work on me myself.
Then I heard a loud bang on the door.
"Time for school! Get out of your bed now!"
That's my stepbrother, who knows nothing but to annoy or irritate me when I don't have a good mood.
He is an engineer and jobless.
I on the other side, is stuck in final year of High School.
"Coming!" I yelled back even though my head is killing me right now.
What the hell is the problem with my head today?!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
School was boring as usual.
Truthfully my concentration in class is very bad.
I tend to sway away easily due to the noise I can't stop hearing. They are just too loud even though it's in their mind.
Wow! I pick one.
That's the strongest. I can sense the person in front of my table has an urgent need to go out but he couldn't leave the class.
Don't get me wrong. I can't read minds but whenever their senses become strong, I pick it in my brain. Something like a danger alert but I can sense everyone's mild sense too and I can persuade it with my mind talking.

"Are you hearing me?!" Someone slammed a damn book on my table.
Unfortunately, I'm going good with my teacher today since my head is still throbbing.
"Yes, ma'am. I do,"
"What did I just say?!"
"Something about history?" History isn't my strongest subject at all. I just hate it.
"I swear I'll send you to the office this time round,"
Oh, what's that color around her?
Oh, no.
Is she glowing?!
Am I the only one that see's it?
I looked around and no one's even listening to us.
She is glowing red. That shows anger.
Wait, wait? What? Ouch, my head is, stop it, stop. It really is going to kill me.

1:Just

Look at this place.
It's full of couple's hanging around.
Looking at each other's eyes, holding hands,being next to one another.
Happiness or sadness are being shared.
Some can be trusted and some are just for lust.

Well, their persuasion is too strong that I can feel the feeling in every of them.
But why am I here. is another question totally.

I was merely being a life saver for my friend who wanted to go out with her boyfriend.
She doesn't want to be get caught by her mother who is against her of being in a relationship, so she formed an excuse of me hanging around with her for catch up.

She is my friend and I don't want to get her worried. So I agreed.
But now I'm going to be dumped aside until they finish catching up on each other after a long time.

"Are you sure you gonna be alright here alone?" She had a puppy eyes looking at me.
I nodded.
"What can I do? You want me to go back now?"
"No, no! I..I feel guilty now bringing you here and now leaving you alone," She buff her mouth.
"I'll be fine. Just go already. He must be waiting." I can feel her getting all hyped up to see her boyfriend.
"Ok, I'll call you. So just hang around, ok?"
I nodded again.

And we got down from my car and walked into the entrance. There he was, her perfect boyfriend. Just perfect to each other. He, tall, charming and strong and her, shoulder length, kind and innocent.

He bowed after looking at me and I bowed. "Hello there," He greeted.

"Hi!" I waved.

"I'll take care of her from here on," He said with just the perfect voice for his figure and she giggled when he held her hands into his.

"Sure," I said and saw them walk away.

That's how I got here. Having a popcorn in my hand and munching it one by one to spent my sweet time alone. Some how I needed this 'alone' time. The park is perfectly sculptured with beautiful sceneries, mosaics and gardens to fill the space and I'm sitting on a bench.

I just couldn't tune out peoples random feeling here and there. They are just too loud for me. I  hate to do it but I just couldn't take them out if my mind too. It's a rare ability I found out that I somehow can feel people's feeling and manipulate them. It did scared me to hell when I first found out.

During my dad's funeral. My mother was really down and she couldn't take her husband's death. I was in a trauma too but when I started to talked to myself in my brain saying, mum, just stop crying, stop crying you must be strong be strong. I was looking at her and all the sudden she started wiping her tears and said, "Ok, I'll stop crying and I have to be strong,"

That doesn't prove anything right?

So the second time was when I was called to go to the principal's office because of my bad results and my not good concentration in classes I attend, my homeroom teacher started striding towards me," You, Miss, now to the office! Now! I don't want to see a girl sleeping in my class!" She pissed me off and I stared at her face. In my mind, I was saying, I dont want, I don't want to go to the principal's office and I'm not going! Just like that, she said,"Ok, you are not going to the principal's office. Stay,"

My heart started to race and I really did freaked out. And now I'm used to it but I do feel guilty manipulating people's mind like that. So I rarely used it.

Then, just right in front of the bench in front of me came a guy with his black sweatshirt with hoodie over him.

The first thing that I caught from his was his eyes.

That dark eyes of his.

It would be rude to stare, so I stopped staring and look somewhere else but  I end up looking at him.

Somehow he was not easy to read. He is blocking his feeling I guess.

That's good.

It was taking too long so I called up my friend and there they are walking towards me smiling.

"Are you ok?" Her boyfriend asked.

"Yup,"

"Ok, let's go," My friend jump towards me leaving her boyfriends hand.

"I'll catch up with you sooner," He bowed at me and winked at her.

He stood watching us until we got into the car.

And I realize the guy who was sitting in front of me was looking at us or me?

Not just looking but the look on his eyes sent shivers to me and I shrugged i off.

Promised

Thais

No, no, this is not happening.

"EVERYBODY BETTER DROP DOWN ALL THE MONEY AND GOLDS YOU HAVE!!" The stranger was screaming near my left ear.

His breathe was not constant and he is shaking my whole body while standing behind me.

"One step near her, she will be slashed!" He commanded to the others in front of us.

I couldn't move at all.

My whole body is in a frozen state. One move if I try to escape, I'm gone forever.

The stranger held me as his victim.

His grip on my arm was getting harder.

I don't know what's happening around me.

I can see people in front of us standing with so many emotions in their faces.

Is Niel there?

Is he watching me?

No, will this be my last sight of him?

We, we....have just got together.....I can't let him go like this.

My Devil and Angel he is.

"NO! NOT A SINGLE STEP I SAID!!" The robber screamed again.

My blood had flushed down from the shock I had of being the captured one.

I was running out of breath.

My feet feels weak and wobbly.

And the worse part of it, no one can do anything.

"NO! Don't. Do. Anything to her!" I heard a voice.

"Leave her alone!" again.

Niel.

I'm sorry Niel. I'm sorry I put myself into this.

I lov-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! THAIS!!!! NO, NO!" Another scream.

Mum.

I blackout.

The last thing I saw in my blurred vision was Niel running towards me.


Niel

"Thais! THAIS! No, no, NO!"

This is not happening, No, No!

Thais, wake up. WAKE UP.

Stay conscious please.

"Thais! Oh, dear! Darling!!" Her mum came in view. Tears were rolling down non stop from her.

Her uncle had run after the robber who cut her neck.

Blood was oozing out of her neck.

I heard sobs and pain on everyone here.

The angel in front of me, on my lap, what had she done?

Why does she have to face this suffering!

I shook her body violently.

But no movement from her.

"Thais!!!" Then I realise my tears falling on her cheek.

"Get her to the hospital now!" I screamed at someone scouting next to me.

I don't know who it was and I don't care anything now besides her.

I carried her into my car and her mum, aunt and niece came with me.

My hands were bloodshot and my shirt were blood stained.

I hit the gas pedal and it forwarded to 100km/hour in minute.

I won't let you go, Thais.

I won't.

Never in this life.

We made a promise not to leave each other. Remember?


"You look very pretty and elegant in that dress," I commented.

"Emm...only today? And not all the other day?" She replied with a smile at my compliment.

"Em...let's see....not really but that's what I like about you, just pure and innocent,"I said with my seducing trademark that she likes.

I saw her rolled her eyes. She hit me in my arm and stuck her tongue out.

I grab her waist and pulled her towards me, her back facing me.

"What are you doing?!" She tried to unlock my hands from her waist.

"Stay still will you?" I whispered near the nape of her neck.

She flinched from my breath but she calm down and stood still.

"Are we going to stay like this forever?"

"Yes," I answered her coolly.

"Ok, ok! Let me go! I have work to do. The guest are going to arrive soon!" I loosened my grip

"I would never let you go," I said lying my back against the wall behind me.

She turn to face me.

Those eyes, soft lips, What am I thinking! Those thoughts! Throw it away!

"Niel," my name sounds beautiful from her lips.

I looked into her eyes, saying I was listening.

She came closer and I became aware of my surrounding.

Her face was serious.

"Promise me, you will always be there by my side at any cost. Danger, pain, lost, happiness, old age, fight, you will always be there," She was looking into my soul.

"I love you and only you," I held her arms in assurance and kissed her forehead.

She smiled and went towards the door, "Me too,"

My grip on the steering became tight.

And the meter shows 120km/hour now.

I honed every single car in my way.

A promise is a promise, Thais.

I would never let you go.

-------------------------

"Hey," I croaked with my tired voice when I felt someone holding my palm.

She had a bandage on her neck but she made it.

She made back for me, to me.

Her eyes roamed around the hospital room. Her palm grip got tighter.

Then she smiled.

The smile that lit the my whole world bright.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Niel?

My daughter and Niel are together?

Niel likes Thais? No not like but he loves her.

Looking at how he reacted when he saw her like this.

No, this is not a mistake.

I'm sure the two of them are in love.

Finally my daughter had found her other half uh? She had made the right choice then.

I'm happy.

Seeing him taking care of her every day. I'm relief.

They just remind me of my lifetime.

Thank, God. Thank you so much.

"Hello, aunty," Niel greeted me.

"Niel,"

"Yes aunty?"

"Take care of my daughter will you?Not only here but forever with you, can you? She seems so much brighter with you," I told him.

He took a deep breath. Calm and steady.

"I will and always will."





[ Seriously, I thought this when I went to Rawang for my cousins bday party! Just thought of writing it down! Do comment! Hehehehe!]

Dreams On Fire

I have lost my trust and hope in myself ?!
Have I ?

What should I do now ?
Should continue this ?
Something I never wished I did ?
Something that was for the good of my guardian who raised me up ?
My heart ache but I only had a poker face outside. I laughed when I saw my score! Hahaha! Wow....
Can't you believe it ? I laughed.
Now I have to answer my own question.
It really is something challenging.
Something I wish none would have to face this problem.

Well, the fact, everyone have to face it whether they like it or not. Because, it's life.
Truth to be told, I never chose this right?
What should I do ?
Confused, torture in my head, painful, sad...all the negative is in me right now.

Dad has started his usual mode: nagging. But all I did is just smile and gave a low laugh just to show him that ' i don't care' expression.
Deep in my heart, it really does hurt. Why am I being like this!
Why can't I just tell him the truth?
Because,I'm all writing but not good in talking it out.
If you want me to say something, I can express in in writing but in words...i get mixed up scared I wouldn't bring it out well.

So, here I am sitting in front of the screen staring at my AS results,on FB (continously waiting some miracle to happen at one page) and also typing it out, since I can't keep it to my self anymore.

Life.....life....life...

Thinking about the people who had gone through a lot of this like me and had become a successful person in life and idolized, it only makes me to become an even stronger person.

I always think about, how it is to be like one of them?

I have never been like this before...all I show is happiness but do you know, happy people could have a different side of them too?
All I want to do is be different.
It's nothing wrong to be different right? It only makes you to be a different people and an outstanding one and I want to be like that.

Why?
I have been influenced too much of my dreams.
And now, it's on fire.

Still, sometimes, it washes away when I think of another future I might hold.
A future which my guardians wants me to have.
Would I still be happy? contented with what I will have? blissful?
Aish, what am I talking?

They say hardwork will pay but it only takes the money away.
I have given my best to get my dream and also my parents dream.

In another few more months I finally had to jump in either one of this two things. It's like I'm standing in the middle of a wired gate where the other side, what I want and all I want,even it brings hardship to me,i know i will be contented, because I chose it and I won't give up even if I'm tired.
Another side, my parents wants me to be. Happy easy, normal life,with a simple job and family to take care.

Which one I still have my heart to?
Of course, one's strongest ones.

Sometimes I wish I could just walk straight in front of my both guardian, and talk to them out all my feelings and doubt
But I dont have the courage.
"Dad, why? why? why can't I take the road I want? Why do I have to always listen to yours? Why can't I be different from all those typical people in the world? I want to go out? Be out of the box. I want to explore new things, do something different from all the people who do the same and never wants adventure. I want what I want. I chose this and I know what I'm doing. I know I would never, never regret."

And I would always think my dad's answer will be," ARE YOU STUPID? CRAZY? BODOH? You never listen to me do you?"

That's when I give up sometimes, just sometimes.

Whenever I go to bed. I think of something I always had in my heart.
My happy future? How will it turn out?
Am I that lucky enough?

I'm still having my fingers crossed, even though a thunder had striked me today, I still have another result to wait by the end of feb or march.
Maybe, I could get lucky?
Could I?
Maybe I can get back my courage when I get my result.
I will. I already.
Think positive.
Think positive.
It's never the end of the world yet.
I am lucky!
I already have been chosen because I have confidence in myself.
I am already a trainee!
I am currently raining to dance, sing, on diet, thinking of being in a funny variety show.
Having new mates.
Think positive!
Sigh..

Gotto go.
Lunch time. I dont dare to face my dad.