Airplane

How could he do that to me?
To us?
Why? Why now?
How can I just leave them and leave like this?
I have to.
And It's already to late.
I can't return back.
I can't stop my dream.
But leaving them behind in a situation like this..
I'm sorry mother.

******************************************************
I'm glad I wasn't late.
The flight is already seated with passengers.
I was late for the transit just for a few minutes but the flight is still waiting for another passengers.
31....32...
33.
My seat. It's a window seat and I love catching the view outside from the glass window.
I took my seat and took out the headphone they usually provide to the passengers.
Eyes close to take some rest, the image of him appeared.
No! No! My body started to shiver and shake and tears rolled down.
The time we spent together, with my mother and sister, to the places he brought us with his car,
the love he poured to make me realize how important he was in my life, the story he used to tell us about mother and him, making us laugh when we were down, whenever I was stubborn he would try to convince me but ended up listening to me.
It's like a huge lump is in my heart and throat.
My cheeks were getting soaked with salty tears.

I heard a ruffled noise next to me and I abruptly dry my tears.
Two boys standing at the edge of the two empty seat next to me.
"31, 32, it's here," The shorter one's told the taller one. He spoke in Chinese and look down at the seat.
"it's ok, she looks harmless," The taller one's said.
I closed my eyes so I wouldn't bother them.
The song played was You Are My Everything.
Then I heard the seat next to me occupied.
There was a quiet moment.

"Welcome to Korean Airlines. I'm Kim Dae Jun, your pilot for today. Hope you enjoy your journey and service from our beautiful stewardess. We will be boarding in another 3 minutes. Thank you,"

Boarding. I'm going to Korea.
Boarding. I am going to Korea.
Should I get down now? No, I cant!
I didn't realize the stewardess was giving their usual talk about the safety precautions until everyone started buckling their seat belt.

I fasten my seat belt and caught a glimpse of the person next to me. Our eyes met and we looked away immediately.
The plane started to take off and my heart thudded. This is it. I'm not going to see my family until I reach my dream.
But my mind is not clear anymore.
He keeps appearing every time I close my eyes.
No! No! Go away! I felt like screaming. But no, I shouldn't.
Dad! Father!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
I love you, father.
I lov-love you so much!
Dad! Tears streamed like a river non stop down my cheeks. I couldn't stop it and I sniffed.
I would not want to disturb the people next to me so I stood up.
"I..so-sorry," I voice broke. I move pass them to the toilet.

I locked the door and let myself cry again.
How many times am I going to cry like this? Huh?
I did this on my last flight from Singapore to China and now again.
When am I going to stop? He is gone! Not here anymore!
Why? Dad, why?
Why now?
I wanted to show you what I was made of. What I had in me. I wanted to see how proud I was to be your daughter.
Why leave us now?
I hit my face with cold water a few times. I face is puffed and eyes red swollen.
I unlocked the door and I stifled my scream when I saw a guy leaning against the opposite of the cabin in front of me waiting for his turn.

He was one of the boys from my seat row. The tall one.

When he saw me out, his eyes went wide in thought of talking, he cleared his throat.
" I heard you crying, I'm sorry but do you need any help?" He asked in fluent English.
Amazed, I only uttered, "Oh," "No," I walk out to my seat.
The another guy was seated in the middle so I had to move pass him to my seat.
There was another person talking to him  from the front seat, when they saw me they stopped.
Wishing I could just switched seats with someone else I sat down and took my headphone.
The tall guys came after a few minutes.
Then the agony in me came back again. My whole body started shivering and in thought of my dad.
It's a very strong feeling that I just couldn't remove.
The bond I had with my dad was beyond special.
Even how hard I tried suppressing it in me, I failed.
I'm only disturbing the people next to me because I can feel the two eyes prying on me and I hate it when I'm attracting unnecessary attention.
"Miss, do you have anyone here on the plane that can accompany you?"The same guy who asked me on my way from the toilet asked.
He was wearing a concern face and I felt guilty disturbing their ride.
"No. I don't. I'm sorry," I said while covering my ugly face which is now full of tears and swollen eyes.
They guy next to me was just looking at me and I couldn't read his expression.
Bewildered?
I don't know
But I'm embarrassed of getting caught crying.
"Homesick?" The guy next to me talked for the first time in Chinese to the tall guy next to him.
He shrugged his shoulders to mean that he wasn't sure.
"No," I said looking away and staring at the glass window.
The sky is white  from my view.
I smiled.
"I.." thinking whether I should tell them.
Then I started shaking again thinking of my dad's final words to me.

"Be a good girl to your mum, don;t argue with her much. Take care of her and your sister.Listen to what your heart says,believe in yourself and never give up on anything you do. Make me proud of you, will you?" He said while holding my hands.
I was nodding frantically while he was talking.


I looked down. I must have look horrible right now.
I am a strong girl.
Be strong.
Keep going.
The two of them were just looking at me with mix expression waiting for me to tell something.
:My dad passed away just yes-yester-day," I stuttered. Still crying, my voice trembled.
"I had to leave my mum and sister behind at this situation because I had no choice,"
I sigh but it came out as a whimper.
Both of them looked surprised by my confession. It's written all over their face that they were utterly speechless.

"I'm sorry," Said the taller guy, "Hold her hand," he said to the guy next to me in Chinese.
He looked at him giving an unsure look.
He was making up his mind and he slowly moved his left hand to take my right.
I flinched at his warm touch. My cold, trembling hand must have felt like a rock to him. But I never looked at it.
He held it firmly.Warming it.
Slowly I drifted to sleep.

*************************************************
I know them. How can I not know them?
They are everywhere.
Known for their popularity. Idols and singers.
But I shouldn't idolize them due to what I am now.Being a trainee, I have to follow rules set by the company I am under.
***********************************************************

I woke up realizing the plane was going to land soon.
I slept peacefully this time without a bad dream and someone was still holding my hand?
Oh, it's him. Luhan.
He was told by Kris to hold my hand to give me comfort.
And we both slept holding hands.
When I woke up, he did too.And we quickly pulled our hands away.
The plane landed and there was a awkward silence.
My face felt puffed by all the crying. Lea must be waiting for me out there.
"Hope you will be fine soon," I heard a voice and it was Kris.
I nodded.
"I..know you guys," I said in Chinese getting a wide eyes from Luhan.
Kris just smiled.
"And I'm sorry,"
"It's okay," Kris said.
Luhan never talked at all beside that one word he uttered,'Homesick'
************************************************************

"Anna!" Lea was waving at me frantically from the waiting hall while I took my bag.
I smiled and waved at her.
"Your friend?" Kris said helping his own bag and Luhan was there next to him. We met eyes again and he smiled finally.
I smiled.
Just the way you are.
And I approach Lea.
She hugged me tightly,"I heard about your dad. Come on give me another hug," she said and gave me a teddy bear hug.
She has always been the best friend I ever had during my training days, supporting and comforting me.
Both the guys exited and I saw fans surround them.
"Let's go," I said.
One final look and Luhan saw me again.